Background on The Wonderful World of Preppy Sex. The Road Less Traveled.
Welcome to The Preppy Chronicles.
This is about sex, religion and being human.
I wish to be abundantly clear, I have mixed feelings about all three of these, sex, religion and being a human. I find myself constrained to write about things taught to me when I was a child, by very well-meaning people, but these things have caused me to look at the world with a slant that has controlled EVERY relationship in my life.
It was the year 1968; I was six years old. The prevailing theme in my church culture then and for many years to come, was that sex was only for procreation and that any sexual contact outside the bonds of marriage was SIN.
This is a lot to take in at 6. This is when I as an unwitting, eager to learn little boy, became victimized by a thought process, and by my religion. My religion had been hijacked as well as my childhood.
There is an axiom which states: We are only as sick as our secrets. The things that you are about to read, I have told no one, until now.
The knowledge that I have been a victim of my thinking for over 40 years came as quite a surprise.
As WASPs, we are taught that emotions are not to be shown and that feelings are the devil’s work. Thus, as a tribe, we do not emote and when we do it is not a pretty sight. Like all great train wrecks, people cannot help but stop and stare. This has little to do with the subject except, we are taught from birth that we are above these petty things.
The direct result of this thought process on a teenager, having almost every thought being about sex; I never learned what a healthy relationship looked like. In our home sex education consisted of, as a family, sitting down and watching the movie “ The Summer of Forty-two ”
At some point, I decided that I would not have sex until marriage. However, I never understood then or do I now, the logic that sex outside marriage was a sin and evil then all at once with a piece of paper and a few words you were encouraged to go at it-like rabbits.
I do believe in marriage. I also hold the belief that sex within marriage gets better over time.
As time passed, I amended the decision to read: I would not marry until the age of 29.
My thinking was that I should be mature enough at that age to handle a marriage relationship. Now, let me say that I remained a virgin until I was 29, yet I still remained unmarried. With my lifestyle, I was afraid that I might die not ever having sex.
What took place next was not my proudest moment in life. I will not go into any great detail, let me just say that I have never had sex or engaged in sexual activity with anyone that I have loved or was in love with. So… When I share with you that I have been a victim of my belief system this is what I mean, I have lived a life of emptiness, guilt, and shame.
I have always attracted women who use me. I have told myself that was OK, because I was living a life of sin, and that is what I deserved. The shame is overwhelming. Sex without love is empty and lonely. The more that you try to fill the hole the bigger and deeper that hole becomes, until the ache, and pain is all that defines you.
I no longer wish to be a victim.
What is the solution?
“ From the moment, I fell down that rabbit hole, I’ve been told what I must do and who I must be. I’ve been shrunk, stretched, scratched and stuffed into a teapot. I’ve been accused of being Alice and of not being Alice, but this is my dream, I’ll decide where it goes from here …
I make the path.” Now here is the kicker: “ Alice, you cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours because when you step out to face that creäture you will step out alone.”
Many times in the past few years, I have stepped out and faced that creäture. I will no longer be a victim of my thoughts and beliefs. Rather, I will fight, and I will win. I win by admitting: I am powerless over my old patterns of thinking and my old beliefs. Once this is done I can then turn them over to God, trusting that He will change what I cannot, and give me the wisdom and courage to change the things that I can.
I believe I am a Spiritual being on a Human journey, and that I need to embrace my humanness. Will this change take place over night? No, but I believe, with a bit of time, and some hard work, I will be more able to have a healthy relationship and one day say with pride that I am not just having sex with the woman I love, but with the woman who I am in love with, that our relationship is healthy as well as Spiritual.
Until next time.
Please, check out my sister site The Preppy Chronicles II.
Artwork by Rosie Harper. Please follow the link and show your love.
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