RSS

Preppy Musings

21 Jul

Welcome to this edition of The Preppy Chronicles. If you have followed my journey, then you will understand what this post is all about. I will continue  the background a little later, for now, I thought a conversation about the concept that God made me perfect, flaws and all, is in order. What do I truly mean by this statement?

 

Over the past few months I have had many discussions on this subject.

I shall begin with this:

“ Thank you for sharing the darkest parts of yourself. You are a very courageous man. What I want to leave with you is this my friend, regret is useless fodder but repentance is a clear understanding of who you are. In the fathers eyes love/hate, good/bad, joy/sorrow are all the same. Life is like a coin with it’s heads and tails. They are equally important in making up that coin. You, I and everyone are that coin. There is no good or bad in our learning process. The sin is the ignorance in the self and lack of clarity. Rejoice in the goodness that GOD has created in you and discard anything else that isn’t working for you anymore. I think the Christ said it best, “go and sin no more.”

As I move forward in this process, I am discovering so many emotions that I am very ill-equipped to handle. I am not going to pretend that I have any answers to the questions that I have.

If I accept the premise that is found in Psalms 139,

“ I will praise You,
Because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful,
and I know [this] very well.

My bones were not hidden from You
when I was made in secret,
when I was formed in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all [my] days were written in Your book and planned
before a single one of them began. ”

Then I must accept that every part of me is just as God intended. My Spiritual nature, my mind & emotional makeup and my body. When all are working as God intended, I am as a perfect human as I will ever be.

The problem that seems to keep surfacing is my ability or shall I say my inability, to accept & believe this statement of truth in my innermost self. Being raised to believe that there is always room to improve, that there is no one that is perfect, except Christ. While this is true, it is also understood, that Christ’s Spiritual, mental & emotional and physical parts were fully integrated and working as they ought.

If I continue to read on in Romans 8, I come to the understanding that once I have accepted Jesus as my savior,  ( He is if you will, the bridge between man and God, between that which is strictly human and that which is Spirit, I don’t pretend to understand how that all works, I just know that it does.) Once I have opened the door, I connect with my Creator. It is this connection, that causes me to function as I was  originally intended to. The more that I understand that when I am brought into right relationship with God, I become at once whole and perfect. What is left for me to do is to learn how to live with all my parts functioning as they were intended.

 

Given the family that I was born into, the tribe to which I belong, this next part is the hardest for me to share. I have struggled with sharing this part of myself; this part of my journey with you, for a very long time. The reason is a simple one when I do, it no longer is a private matter. I have no doubt that this will change how you think of me. Some of you will applaud & some of you will be very horrified. I have come to the realization that if you are to understand the entirety of my journey, then I must share this part of the story.  I am a recovering alcoholic.

In my world, the world of WASPs & Preppies there are no alcoholics, just people who sometimes imbibe a bit. In my world, one never counts how many drinks you have had, because the glass never becomes empty just “Refreshed”.  When you’re drunk and passed out, or fall out of your chair, you’re just  “ Indisposed ”.  It is the dirty little secret that we WASPS and Preppies never, ever talk about. We will talk about  our own money, before we talk about or admit that we are alcoholics.

As much as I hate to admit it, I always drank alcoholically from the age of 15. The switch that tells you to stop never flipped on. For some having this bit of insight into my life will make this blog take on a new  dimension, as well as answer many questions.  I needed to share this for you to understand the fullness of my journey. Now that, it is out there, I can share much more honestly.

Was I created with this seeming defect? Was it God’s plan? I am reminded that Jesus came to raise Lazarus, three days after he had died and was already buried. For what end?

To show the glory of God.

This is hard to swallow, because I want someone to blame, someone to be in the wrong. I don’t want to hear that I am an alcoholic, that is now in recovery, because I am to show the glory of God through it. Is there a bit of anger ? Yes, there is, only because I have been told all my life that there is something wrong with me. Not that God created me just as I am for a reason. I hope that part of that reason is to share with you, Hope.

Now, what has all this to do with sex and the Puritans? I am afraid to say that you will just have to keep reading to find out.

Thank you all for allowing me to share a bit of my life with you.

One final note, sometimes I may sound like my life is a wreck & sometimes that is true. The truth is that I live a very blessed life, and for the most part, I am very happy.

Advertisements
 
6 Comments

Posted by on July 21, 2011 in All that's Preppy/WASP

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

6 responses to “Preppy Musings

  1. Pink One

    July 22, 2011 at 6:49 AM

    I know that some people have a problem with openly sharing like this, but I don’t. As long as there is a purpose to it, and it’s not being done for shallow, pointless reasons, it can be helpful to others and for oneself when healing is the goal.

    I’m not sure where you’re going with all of this, but there one equation you need to make sure you don’t leave out while thinking through things. How God created us before sin is entirely different from what we did with His creation because of sin. What He created was/is perfect; what we created (sin) was/is not. Because of sin, God had to put necessary boundaries in place for us, for our own good. These boundaries help to keep us as closely united to Him. What Adam and Eve enjoyed was perfect union with God before sin entered the equation. Our goal, so to speak, is to complete the circle, and make it back to Eden (Heaven), which will only happen once we die. Regardless of what “defects” we have, we have guidelines to help us keep them ordered. Look at what happened when Adam and Eve did not keep their “humanness” ordered to God and His ONE command not to eat the fruit from the tree in center of the garden. It’s not really about our humanness and instincts; it’s about God’s Will on how we should live that human life. He made us, instincts and all, and as Creator, determines how creation will use what He has given them.

    Having said all that, God can shine through our weaknesses because when, by the grace of God, we do rise above our weakness, it shows that there is something greater than our base instincts that we live for.

     
    • Bumby Scott

      July 22, 2011 at 9:22 AM

      @Pink One, Thank you for your comments.
      I decided to share because so many things in my life have revolved around my addiction. The inability to freely share things that have meaning to me hurts my ability to connect with others. If the discourse is to be an honest one, then my cards need to be on the table. As to the question of where I am going with this & why it is important for my overall well being, also how it relates to the topic of : What the Puritans held as their overall belief system, regarding things such as Sin, Repentance and Atonement. My belief system, in regards to such matters, was installed as a youth and I have found that this belief system has held me hostage all of my life. It is time to be free of the ” Shame ” . The more I read about the origins of my belief system, the more that I see how far off the beam I have lived my life. How far off the beam the folks in 1630 were, and how we all arrived at these points. For me, the goal is to get back on the beam to live this life as was intended. As for the folks in 1630, how what they, as a collective believed established the patterns of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, religion, sex and politics.

       
  2. Pink One

    July 22, 2011 at 2:22 PM

    Shame and guilt alone get you nowhere. The point of correct/good guilt is to spur you to action to change what needs to be changed. Guilt and shame beyond its purpose is harmful. When I said “rising above our weakness”, I did not mean that we no longer have that weakness, nor will ever fall into sin again because of it. To me, rising above a weakness means that one no longer allows a weakness to have free rein in their life. We will all fall over and over again until we die, and when it happens, because we live for a Higher Purpose, we will get up (never give in) and continue to move forward. All of Heaven cheers for us in this never ending battle, and will celebrate when me make it Home. Because I don’t know what you were taught growing up, I’m not sure how you were taught to view weakness in general. Since nobody is perfect, why would one person shame another over their weaknesses? What about the splinter and log analogy? I could understand the shame of casting aside all care for what is right and surrendering yourself to sin, but there’s no shame in being human and doing your best.

     
  3. The Preppy Princess

    July 24, 2011 at 5:27 PM

    Ah dear Bumby, what a poignant, powerful piece of writing. Congratulations on owning what is yours and sharing the why behind the decision to do so, I think it helps all of us better grasp where you are coming from. I loved this: “What is left for me to do is learn how to live with all of my parts functioning as they were intended.”

    If people are more horrified to see you discussing this than they have been over the ‘sex’ posts, then they may need a little counseling IMHO. It’s your information to do with as you will, I am just tickled to see you opening doors as you go forward.

    You know where my head is on all of this anyway, I send you smiles, hugs and oodles of support,
    tp

     
    • Bumby Scott

      July 24, 2011 at 7:40 PM

      Thank you tp,
      I have just found that in order to grow I had to share.
      It is not just admitting, but the acceptance of the reality that I am who God says that I am. To concede that I need to learn to grow into the man that I already am. My thinking shifted after reading a book title: A Parenthesis In Eternity. This book flipped my thinking. I encourage everyone to at least read it once.

       
  4. all three

    August 22, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    Thank you for a great post.

     

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: